To Female or not to Feel
Gender roles and stereotypes are a very funny thing. Funny because someone bought some invisible ink then wrote out all these rules that don't benefit anyone except the narcissists of the world and we all decided to follow because duh? You have to follow rules even if they are unfair and restrict the female population from doing anything slightly empowering. Funny because no matter how many times you call these rules to question, people will still argue that everything that is wrong in this world is because women have the freedom to be who they want to be. Apparently our dysfunctional society cannot handle women who are bold. I personally reject these rules and believe we can do better.
A while ago i was watching an old episode of Isidingo on SABC Encore with my mother and grandmother. In this episode a young man whose name i cannot recall, played by Rapulana Seiphemo, was in a club with a girl whose name i also do not remember and at some point Rapulana's character bent his head and leaned in to kiss the girl who was shorter than him. The girl, who was very interested in the guy lifted her head and leaned closer to him and bridged the remainder of the gap between them. The way you would if a guy you like likes you, right? Wrong. Apparently the rules of courtships disqualify women who think use logic when it comes to relationships. Personally, i rather admire them.
According to my grandmother, the girl(lets call her Jenny) 's behavior was inappropriate and far too brazen for her tastes. Jenny was not supposed to be bold in her affection for the guy because it's "just not done". "Why? Isn't it a little unfair since the guy was the first to shove his face close to the girl?", my naive self asked. The feminist in me was raring for a debate and i sensed this was going to be an easy win. Then my mother tagged my gran, entered the ring and delivered a showstopping blow on how us young people don't value courting traditions and that's why we fail at relationships and my debate went to hell. " You young girls! The minute a man shows interest you are quick to act on it and when he loses interest then you are hurt.", she said. So its the girl's fault for being honest and not the guy's for being flaky and unreliable? I wanted to ask this but anyone who knows my mother will tell you that you simply cannot win an argument with my mother( and she'll tell you the same about me but that's not what we're here for today) so i just had sit there and stew in my thoughts while everyone else moved on to the next topic of interest.
Why did i feel it necessary to argue over a one minute scene of a really old show you may ask. First of all, my intention was not to argue. It was to educate and enlighten the older generation. An entirely cocky and snobbish point of view, now that i think about it, but i just can't help the fact that there's a wrong that's been done to girls by society. How can you label women the "fairer sex" and then teach them that in order for them to have the fairy tale relationship/marriage/partnership they must deny themselves the right to feel? It does not make sense to say women should not show affection because this causes men to get bored quickly; and the saying that young women's tendency to quickly return the guys feelings is why we have failed relationships is ridiculous. We all know relationships were doomed even back when 5-year courtships were still a thing. Before you talk about how marriage was "oh-so-perfect" before the millennials came and ruined everything with logic, think about how far back polygamous marriages date and then ask yourself if that is not an example of a man getting bored.
Now that you've taken your brain from it's dusty shelf you might as well use it again and ask yourself: Why is it the perfect relationship is the one that happens to a woman? The one she didn't want, initiate or have any idea was happening? I honestly don't understand what is romantic about planning your life a certain way,then having a man ( a mere mortal by the way) disturb everything because he feels ready for a challenge and you think you might learn to love him. I probably should put up a disclaimer and say that i don't know anything about relationships and marriages but i have a feeling the last two paragraphs already gave me away. In any case, my problem is that someone out there is spreading the deadly lie that women' s feelings are completely insignificant and can be ignored for the sake of security and a comfortable lifestyle. If it's you then i will channel the people of my Nigerian future husband and rebuke you by saying Thunder fire you! We are out here trying to raise powerful and independent young women who do what they want and you're out here setting us back by a million years in the name of shady relationship advice. What sorcery is that?
On a serious note i find it disconcerting that everything else about humans has evolved except our mating rituals. How do we sleep at night after a long hard day of promoting lies and games? How do men feel about the fact that some idiot managed to get hold of some invisible ink and used it to bind them to a fate of being having to chase one person for an entire five years while said person strings you along till they get tired and decide to settle for you? Does it not hurt to love someone and know that they're only with you because they can't live without you, not in a "i love you too much" but in a "i can't pay bills so i need you" way? I honestly find it liberating that i can ask someone out and if they are as evolved as i am they will not have qualms about the logistics of the thing (fingers crossed they like me back because rejection sucks). If you have feelings for someone, whether girl or boy, then it is your prerogative to either go after them or not. And you should be bold about it too because it's 2018 not 1855 and our generation has a lot of earth-ruining, gender-defying planet-destroying to do.
You know, because Albert Einstein and his nuclear-weapon building buddies didn't do the job quite right.
Society, meaning you and i, should re-evaluate our lifestyle and start thinking about relationships as the mutual agreements they are and not The Hunger Games. I write this as a concerned citizen of Planet Earth and an awkward 19 year old who cannot act to save her life. Pretending i don't like someone is something i am not sure i will be able to do so can we please be fair and let women feel what they feel. Most importantly, i write this out of love for the entire human race.I love you all and i will be brazen enough to tell you, unbecoming as it may be.
A while ago i was watching an old episode of Isidingo on SABC Encore with my mother and grandmother. In this episode a young man whose name i cannot recall, played by Rapulana Seiphemo, was in a club with a girl whose name i also do not remember and at some point Rapulana's character bent his head and leaned in to kiss the girl who was shorter than him. The girl, who was very interested in the guy lifted her head and leaned closer to him and bridged the remainder of the gap between them. The way you would if a guy you like likes you, right? Wrong. Apparently the rules of courtships disqualify women who think use logic when it comes to relationships. Personally, i rather admire them.
According to my grandmother, the girl(lets call her Jenny) 's behavior was inappropriate and far too brazen for her tastes. Jenny was not supposed to be bold in her affection for the guy because it's "just not done". "Why? Isn't it a little unfair since the guy was the first to shove his face close to the girl?", my naive self asked. The feminist in me was raring for a debate and i sensed this was going to be an easy win. Then my mother tagged my gran, entered the ring and delivered a showstopping blow on how us young people don't value courting traditions and that's why we fail at relationships and my debate went to hell. " You young girls! The minute a man shows interest you are quick to act on it and when he loses interest then you are hurt.", she said. So its the girl's fault for being honest and not the guy's for being flaky and unreliable? I wanted to ask this but anyone who knows my mother will tell you that you simply cannot win an argument with my mother( and she'll tell you the same about me but that's not what we're here for today) so i just had sit there and stew in my thoughts while everyone else moved on to the next topic of interest.
Why did i feel it necessary to argue over a one minute scene of a really old show you may ask. First of all, my intention was not to argue. It was to educate and enlighten the older generation. An entirely cocky and snobbish point of view, now that i think about it, but i just can't help the fact that there's a wrong that's been done to girls by society. How can you label women the "fairer sex" and then teach them that in order for them to have the fairy tale relationship/marriage/partnership they must deny themselves the right to feel? It does not make sense to say women should not show affection because this causes men to get bored quickly; and the saying that young women's tendency to quickly return the guys feelings is why we have failed relationships is ridiculous. We all know relationships were doomed even back when 5-year courtships were still a thing. Before you talk about how marriage was "oh-so-perfect" before the millennials came and ruined everything with logic, think about how far back polygamous marriages date and then ask yourself if that is not an example of a man getting bored.
Now that you've taken your brain from it's dusty shelf you might as well use it again and ask yourself: Why is it the perfect relationship is the one that happens to a woman? The one she didn't want, initiate or have any idea was happening? I honestly don't understand what is romantic about planning your life a certain way,then having a man ( a mere mortal by the way) disturb everything because he feels ready for a challenge and you think you might learn to love him. I probably should put up a disclaimer and say that i don't know anything about relationships and marriages but i have a feeling the last two paragraphs already gave me away. In any case, my problem is that someone out there is spreading the deadly lie that women' s feelings are completely insignificant and can be ignored for the sake of security and a comfortable lifestyle. If it's you then i will channel the people of my Nigerian future husband and rebuke you by saying Thunder fire you! We are out here trying to raise powerful and independent young women who do what they want and you're out here setting us back by a million years in the name of shady relationship advice. What sorcery is that?
On a serious note i find it disconcerting that everything else about humans has evolved except our mating rituals. How do we sleep at night after a long hard day of promoting lies and games? How do men feel about the fact that some idiot managed to get hold of some invisible ink and used it to bind them to a fate of being having to chase one person for an entire five years while said person strings you along till they get tired and decide to settle for you? Does it not hurt to love someone and know that they're only with you because they can't live without you, not in a "i love you too much" but in a "i can't pay bills so i need you" way? I honestly find it liberating that i can ask someone out and if they are as evolved as i am they will not have qualms about the logistics of the thing (fingers crossed they like me back because rejection sucks). If you have feelings for someone, whether girl or boy, then it is your prerogative to either go after them or not. And you should be bold about it too because it's 2018 not 1855 and our generation has a lot of earth-ruining, gender-defying planet-destroying to do.
You know, because Albert Einstein and his nuclear-weapon building buddies didn't do the job quite right.
Society, meaning you and i, should re-evaluate our lifestyle and start thinking about relationships as the mutual agreements they are and not The Hunger Games. I write this as a concerned citizen of Planet Earth and an awkward 19 year old who cannot act to save her life. Pretending i don't like someone is something i am not sure i will be able to do so can we please be fair and let women feel what they feel. Most importantly, i write this out of love for the entire human race.I love you all and i will be brazen enough to tell you, unbecoming as it may be.
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